Don't I sound pathetic? Cuz I feel it.....

I play it off but I'm dreamin of you...

"It's there, but it's not..." Well I guess that makes sense. Legit to say the least. But it hurt all the same.

I'll keep it cool but I'm fiendin.

I'm ok, He thinks I'm ok. I keep telling him that. Keep telling me that. I'm not ok. Still not ok.

I try to say goodbye and I choke, I try to walk away and I stumble. Though I try to hide it it's clear My world crumbles when you are not near.

*I Try - Macy Grey*


It's been a little over a month now. Since "He" left me. I'm doing better, though not as well as I thought. Made it through 2 conversations on facebook and I held up fine. It wasn't till I actually saw him face to face that I realized I still hurt. My stomach literally dropped out of me. I'm still, to this day, looking for it. *sigh*
There's really nothing else for me to do about this than do what I'm already doing is there? Just keep living day by day, hoping it gets better?
Sounds fun.

<3>

New Day? Try complete change in direction!

ok. Old boy is gone! And it was so easy!! He saw it coming. Haha!

Anyway, on a more sane path meet new boy. The friend! (Time between guys completely coincidental! I swear it) And not just any friend, the guy i mentioned earlier. He's so awesome. I feel so comfortable around him. I can be myself and I don't have to worry that he'll think I'm mentally handicapped! Yay me!!

I
Am
Happy! lol


In lighter news, I am (as far as i know) still participating in Animethon's Artist Alley! Should be Tons O' Fun! But as exciting as that may seem if Math keeps going the way it is I might just shoot something. I will burn these notes!! In case you haven't noticed I really hate math. And it hates me. Did you know that it has learned this new ability where every class it eats a little but more of my soul? Yeah. It sucks. At least my mark is good.

That's all folks! Tune in next time where I will actually start posting half-intelligent rants before all this boring junk.

Make Up Your Mind Damnit....

...Before I let it get to far....

I have yet to break up with "the boy". Oh the life of a pathetic naive little girl is entrapping. An endless hallway of back doors and hiding places. The excuses around every corner provide the perfect alibi. Now don't get me wrong, I have tried. I called him when I returned from camping only to find that he was at the movies with his friends. What type of person would I be if I delivered the bad news while he was out in public, around his closest friends. He would probably have been slightly humiliated. I would not be very happy with my self if that was how I did it. And now every time I think about doing it again I think about my friend (a guy friend) who had been recently broken up with. It was not fun watching him upset over it. And he's a strong guy. 10 bucks says that what I, and the rest of the group, saw of him was only half of it. We never got to see what was going on in his head. So all I can think about is how I am probably sentencing my guy to go through that. Thus I chicken out, make up excuses, and distract myself with other things in an attempt to avoid that needs to be done.

Damn me.

A New Day....

So....I am graduated!! Finally, though I'm quite sad to leave a lot of those people....but oh well. There is still lots to look forward to. Like Animethon! I'm excited for this. I'm supposed to be in Artist's Alley this year, and if that does not fall through I will be ecstatic! No joke.

Now all I have to do is pray I get into Grant Mac, though because math 30 is a stupid subject they might not take me for this semester. sigh. Maybe I should start looking into occupations that only require 20. If worse comes to worse I will just re-apply for the NAIT culinary program, or get a job in a kitchen in a hotel chain somewhere. I'm more than qualified for that....I think.....lol

More good news, I finally got the program for the upstairs printer/scanner installed on my laptop so I will definitely start uploading some of my sketches. Stuff that's actually decent as opposed to this random crap I've given you lol.

Well that's what's going on inside my head recently. Hit me up with a reply once in awhile. I'm always up for new people to talk to. And who knows, we might both just learn something....

Bye for now ^^

Relationships Are Stupid

You ever start to feel about someone in a certain way (and not a good one) and you know that you really should tell them, but for whatever reason you can't, and it's eating away at you....

Well when you do than this'll make a little more sense. Basically I'm dating a boy, for about 2 weeks now, and I've come to realize that I don't think of him that way anymore. He doesn't fit me. The people I'm used to hanging out with are mostly borderline insane. It's awesome. They make life worth living. I feed off of that raw energy. But when it comes to the guy, He's really mellow. Calm. He pretty much sits there and listens to whatever random nonsense that we happen to be talking about. Then when we are alone it's pretty much the same. No play-fighting, no random banter of any sort. We just sit there and watch a movie, or something online....It just doesn't work for me.

So here's the problem. I want to break up with him, but we are graduating in 2 days, we are grad dates, and in the same limo. So now I'm afraid that if I break up with him before then that it'll put a huge damper on the event. I made up my mind that I would wait till after grad, but since then it's been eating away at me......

That's my venting......




*I love how my first entry is intense like this*